This is how you can tell if someone doesn't care about you (2023)

Recognizing the early signs of a one-sided relationship can help you avoid heartbreak and form stronger connections.

Having someone who values ​​your feelings and takes care of them is undoubtedly very good. But the benefits can go further.

For example, when we feel valued at work, we tend to perform better. When our feelings are valued in romantic and friendly relationships, the bond can deepen and our self-esteem can be increased.

But relationships are complex, and sometimes we can give but not get much in return.

Things can get complicated if the other person doesn't care about your feelings. Sometimes you may not realize this until you get hurt.

So, before you get to that point, it might help to recognize some signs that someone doesn't care about you or the relationship. It may also be helpful to examine whether you tend to have these types of relationships often.

Signs that someone doesn't care

Certain signs that someone may not value you or your relationship are easy to spot.

A common question is not asking yourself about your feelings, your life, or what is important to you. This can look different depending on the relationship.

They might not sign up to hear your ideas about specific projects at work, for example. They might set up a meeting and ignore you, even if you're part of the team. Or they spend all their time talking about themselves and never get through to you.

Jenny Walters, a licensed therapist in Los Angeles, says that when someone doesn't appreciate or respect your feelings, you can feel like you need to walk carefully around that person, and you often don't feel seen or heard.

"That feeling could be literal, in the sense that you're frequently interrupted, or it could just be a feeling you get when you're around her," she says.

Relationship Coach in Fairmont, West VirginiaCheri Timkosays that other signs someone isn't caring about you can include:

• They do not value reciprocity in the relationship
• show no interest or curiosity in you or your life
• has a different agenda for the relationship than you do
• I never looked for you or your opinion
• ignore the impact of their actions on you
• don't respond to their request to change your behavior

In some cases, these actions don't mean much if they happen every now and then. It could be that the other person is having a rough day or needs support.

but if they areemotionally unavailableMost of the time, it becomes an important sign to look out for.

Melissa Zawisza, a licensed clinical social worker in Arlington, Texas, shares some examples of conversations that might sound familiar when dealing with someone who doesn't care:

• Her: "I just found out my ex got married and I'm saddened and shocked." Friend: "Why do you even care?"
• Her: "It was a day. Nothing seemed to be going well with my daughter or at work." Friend: "At least you have a job or a daughter."
• You: "I have a lot to do and I'm not sure how I'm going to do it all." Partner: "You think you have too much to do, let me tell you what to do."
• Her: "I'm really worried about what's going on at work." Partner: "Give it a break. It's not a big deal. You just have to deal with it."

"The person may minimize, dismiss, invalidate or ignore their feelings," says Zawisza.

But what if you don't care or don't recognize how you're feeling? When someone tries to understand you, Walters says, they usually stay in touch with you even if they do.is an argument.

But some people living with trauma or other mental illnesses may have limited ability to connect with others.

They may care about you, but they don't have the tools to form meaningful bonds. It is not a personal choice, but the result of the condition with which they live.

Isn't worrying about your feelings the same as a lack of empathy?

For some people, not appreciating and not caring about other people is a sign of low empathy. In short, empathy is when we put ourselves in the other's shoes.

So if someone doesn't appreciate your feelings or isn't active in the relationship with you, that's whylack of empathy? It could be.

From a psychological point of view, Zawisza explains that a lack of empathy can be a symptom of several mental illnesses, such as a narcissistic personality.

But this is not always the case.Survey 2019suggests that some people may not practice empathy because of its emotional cost.

According to Walters, these could be some signs that the other person has little empathy:

• cut yourself emotionally
• withdrawing and refusing to talk about your feelings even after they have calmed down
• shut up while talking, or isolate yourself so you don't talk
• belittle, devalue or denigrate

Again, these are worrying signs if they are persistent and consistent in the relationship.

it's personal?

The short answer is: maybe. It might be personal, but it's not.Uds.

The key here, says Zawisza, is to observe how the person responds and interacts with others. Is there a pattern? Did anyone else share similar feelings about how this person behaves?

"Perhaps the person has a traumatic history and has difficulty trusting anyone," says Zawisza. "Perhaps they are dealing with some stressors that you are not aware of. The person could be watched and arrested."

In this case, it's not personal. But if you're the only person treated like this, it might get personal. It doesn't mean you did something wrong. It could be that he just doesn't feel close to you or isn't compatible with your personality.

Regardless of the cause, it can be helpful to recognize that people don't change unless they want to, and to take steps to prevent this.

This person's behavior may not be up to you, and it's important to protect yourself as well.

What to do when someone doesn't care about your feelings

What you choose depends on many factors.

One thing to keep in mind is emotional security. Do you think the other person will care and change if you express your feelings? Or will showing vulnerability lead to more harm for you?

In that case, you might want to consider all the times they were or weren't available to you.

In general, expressing your feelings is important because suppressing your emotions can cause more stress. But that doesn't mean you have to do that with that person. Perhaps another friend or therapist can help.

Express your true feelings, either by talking directly to the person,diary, or talk to a therapist, iskey to your overall healthand well-being

If you decide not to express your feelings and stay put, it can be helpful to examine your motives.

"There may be some healing work that needs to be done if it feels familiar being around people who don't care," says Walters.

"Talk about it with people you trust, or with a therapist if one is available to you. From there, you can be clear about what you need in a relationship, and that need will be validated by those who care about you ."

Once you have that clarity, he says, it's clear what to do next.

When you're ready to speak directly to that person, here's Zawisza's checklist:

• Check-ininto your own feelings and test your limits.
• reflectabout your interactions with this person and the role they play in your life and make a list of what this person adds to your life.
• make a decisionabout how you want to proceed. Some options include:
  • Set up a time to discuss your observations with the person. Think about it beforehand and write down what you want to say.
  • Share your concerns and then listen to the other person. Be prepared for a variety of reactions.
  • Remember that your feelings, thoughts, and behaviors are your own, and remember that the same is true for the other person.
  • After sharing both, you make a decision on how to proceed.

"The situation can be resolved and you can move on with your relationship, or it can turn into an argument where you both need to settle down and talk again in the future," says Zawisza.

“In some cases, further discussions may be warranted: an email or letter might be easier, or a face-to-face discussion about it. Ultimately, you or the person may decide to end the relationship. When the relationship ends, introduce yourselfTime to mourn your end.“

She adds that if you've tried to bring this up with the person in the past and their behavior hasn't changed, it might be important to think about the role that person will play in your life going forward.

Sometimes you may not have a choice about the person's role in your life, for example, co-workers. In these cases, it's important to take care of your emotional needs, knowing that you can't necessarily keep that person away from your daily life.

amanda lets, a licensed professional counselor in Fort Mill, South Carolina, says that while we don't always get what we need from others, we can always give ourselves that gift.

"Breathing by creating a safe and grounded environment can be an important step towards feeling acknowledged and understood," she says.

„Check your five sensesand find something to calm everyone down: light a candle that smells amazing, surround yourself with soft and comforting things, or listen to powerful music to start.

let's recap

It can be painful when someone in your life doesn't appreciate or care about your feelings. We all want to feel heard, seen and valued.

There are a few signs that can help you determine if the person in your life really doesn't care or has no emotional capacity.

But there are steps you can take today, such as: For example, planning an open conversation with this person, writing in a journal, or talking to a therapist.

This can help you take care of your own needs and find a solution or a better position with this person in the future.