How to avoid an inferior man and find the right man? (2023)

This article contains dating tips for women that will help you avoid an inferior man and find the right man.

Nobody wants to end up with inferior men who abuse us and treat us badly.

The good news is that if you pay attention to the warning signs, you can avoid these men and attract quality men.

why do we ignorered flags?

We ignore red flags by condoning bad behavior and even apologizing for it.

This tells the guy that he is fine with you and will move on while you wait for your love to change him.

Why are we doing this?

A number of reasons.

Maybe you're desperate for a partner, anyone. You just don't want to be alone.

You may not believe that you have other options or that you deserve more.

You might also be a firm believer in the idea that only love can change people.

etc.

Related:Top 10 emotional dating boundaries to set from the first date

What is a man of little value?

A low-value man is someone who has not fully evolved into success. This could mean someone who:

• It lacks meaning and direction.
• lack emotional intelligence
• He lacks empathy and doesn't know how to treat women well.
• Ter low self-esteem
• He only focuses on money and career.

Related:I'm ready for a relationship (+ Best Dating Tips for Women)

How an inferior man can seduce you

A low-value man feels that in order to attract you, he needs to play games and seduce you.

You can hide your vulnerabilities by putting up a false front.

He may use flirting and compliments and showing extreme interest early on to attract you.

He can make her believe they have a lot in common by getting her to speak first.

He might lie about his addiction, if he is exclusive with you, his past and what his true feelings for you are, etc.

Their extreme interest can be very attractive to you, especially if you are hungry for love or have low self-esteem.

Related:Recovering from a Narcissistic Relationship: 21 Steps to Healing After a Narcissistic Relationship

What is a red flag?

A red flag is anything a partner does or says that makes you feel disrespected or uncomfortable with developing a relationship with them.

Your intuition should be a good indicator of a possible red flag. You may feel your stomach tighten in response to something you say or do. You may also feel sad or scared as you react to the way he treats you.

What are the warning signs?

Below are some warning signs or red flags that you might spot in a potential partner's words and misbehavior.

Some of these red flags are obvious, others are subtle and barely noticeable.

1. Partial attention

He pays more attention to his cell phone, other women, etc. than you on a date. This could mean that he is cheating on you or that he is not interested in you and is just looking for a connection.

It could also mean that you have an attention deficit disorder, so consider if you are being disrespectful or just distracted.

2nd recording

Either he talks a lot about himself and his life or he talks little, in both cases he shows little interest in you or doesn't ask you questions.

You might even feel like you're just a tool in your life to play a certain role.

Related:13 characteristics of a narcissist and how to deal with a narcissist

3. Addiction

You could be drinking or smoking too much, or have some kind of addiction.

Addiction is a sign that someone needs crutches to get through the day and may not be available for the relationship.

4. Low self-esteem and negativity

If someone complains all the time and can't get help or their own job, it can become very negative.

At some point, you might feel like your therapist and you might feel sad and drained around them.

5. Incompatibility

Their values ​​and beliefs are very different from yours.

Related:Attachment Style Compatibility: Are You Confident, Anxious, or Avoidant? – and how to become more self-confident

6. In the beginning, give a lot of affection and words of love

While that's fine, it can be a warning sign that it's being used.

This can lead to you bonding quickly too soon and then dreading walking away and doing whatever it takes to hold on to him, even if he uses or abuses you.

Related:25 signs your partner is a psychopath and how to heal from psychopathic abuse

7. He makes little effort at first

They might not want to drive to you or meet you halfway. You do all the work and still pay for all the dates.

8. His behavior is somewhat suspicious.

You may notice that he only calls you when he's at work, doesn't see you on the weekends, takes you on dates where you don't see any of your friends, etc.

Most people would agree that these are warning signs, but he can be good at finding excuses and explanations so you can ignore these warning signs. He may also use defensiveness and anger to silence you and make you think you don't trust him.

Related:Yellow flags in a relationship

Why do we stay with a man of little value?

The problem with ignoring red is not that we don't see it, but that we see it and feel like we have no choice but to keep quiet about it.

This is mainly due to our internal issues that keep us from leaving, including:

1. Lack of self-confidence

If we are not connected with our feelings and needs and don't spend enough time alone to examine and reflect on ourselves, we may not recognize when we are being mistreated.

Lack of self-esteem is when you don't know enough about yourself: your values, your needs, your desires, your dreams, your feelings, etc.

If you don't think for yourself and take control of your life and your own needs, other people will guide and shape your thinking and your life. This can lead to abuse and allow others to overstep their boundaries.

Boost your confidence with thesenewspaper ads

2. Low self-esteem

Past experiences and negative people can lead us to believe that we are imperfect and don't deserve what's good. This makes us attract more negative experiences and people into our lives.

Are here18 ways to develop high self-esteem

Pro Tip:Choose your support system wisely. Consider online therapy and choose from thousands of licensed therapists.Connect where and when it's best for youby phone, SMS or video session.Check out the online therapy now and get 20% off with this link >>

3. Lack of resources (eg money, apartment, network)

If you don't have enough resources to support yourself, you can be trapped in dysfunctional relationships and at the mercy of the wrong partner.

If you want to avoid this situation, you must learn to be self-reliant and rely on the support of friends and family. You must earn enough money to feed yourself and your children, if you have any.

4. Lack of knowledge or experience

Lack of modeling and lack of support from parents and other adults in our lives can put us at a disadvantage.

If you come from a broken or dysfunctional home (parents are fighting, or one parent is gone, or a divorce, or abuse, etc.), you may not have learned what a good, healthy relationship looks like.

You might even have believed that what you saw was normal.

If you can't change your beliefs about relationships and recognize abuse and harmful behavior patterns, you may be attracting harmful partners and choosing the wrong people.

Who is the man of great worth?

Think of the guys who had a crush on you or loved you or were your best friend but didn't think to move on because they were "easy" or "boring" or "too nice" and instead chased after you. the bad boy", "the challenger", "the good guy".

Over time, when you get tired of the jerks and scammers, these simple, boring, nice men can start to get better and better at you. These are men of great worth.

How to attract the right man?

#1. Put the odds in your favor

We've come to believe that love is a product of fate, that "when the time is right" it just "happens." This belief prevents you from taking action.

If you want to meet him sooner, you'll have to put the odds in your favor. That means you have to meet more men every week.

Meeting here refers to actual social interaction where you are talking to a man and not just picking up your mail or ordering coffee unless you are new and establishing a social connection.

1. Wait vs. create

Most people wait. They wait for the right moment to approach someone, they wait for someone to approach them first, they wait to be invited, etc. By waiting, they think they are playing it safe, but more often than not they end it with a . of these two things: the wrong thing or nothing.

As you take control of your life, you know that you are doing everything in your power to move forward and improve, and only knowledge makes people happy.

You always have the option to keep or create. There is only one way to wait: simply do nothing. But to create the possibilities are endless.

2. Reality check

Your beliefs about boys and love can stop you from taking action and finding the one.

The following are some examples of these beliefs:

* There are no nice guys around ("All the nice guys I know are either gay or drunk").

* Guys want someone hotter and prettier than me.

* Guys don't like it when women approach them first.

* Guys only want a low maintenance woman, not someone who will challenge them.

Unfortunately, these beliefs are not just wrong, they become excuses for not taking control of your love life.

Becoming aware of your limiting beliefs is the first step to changing them and replacing them with more positive ones.

3. The funnel philosophy

The agglomeration process can be visualized as a series of funnels. Into the first and biggest funnel you dump all the new men you meet. This funnel works like a filter. Only guys you're attracted to will do that.

for the second funnel.

The second funnel filters out the guys you don't want to date. These guys were the ones you were initially attracted to but found you didn't have immediate chemistry with them.

Then the guys you really like and are worth more than just a date go through the third funnel.

Eventually, the result of the fourth and final leak will be the guy you want to be in a relationship with.

The process is clear and simple, but remember that the first funnel is where you are least demanding. It's about getting out and meeting new people. The more heads you put in the first funnel, the more odds you'll have in your favor.

4. Ritual

"Ordinary things done consistently produce extraordinary results." –Keith Cunningham

A ritual is an "action that is repeated over and over again in the same way".

Following the rituals creates a positive association, which in turn leads to a positive outcome. Creating rituals designed to help you meet more men will put you on the right path to finding your man.

Talk to the entire service team

Service staff should be nice to you, so this might be a good place to start.

Make it a habit to chat with everyone you serve: the waiters, the clerks, the attendant, etc. This can be great practice, especially if you're shy or introverted.

Take the conversation a step further by figuring out their names and uncovering a simple fact about them or an interest you both share.

Ask how his day was, compliment his eyes, smile or dress for the sole reason of making him feel good. If you notice an accent, ask where it's from.

Other ways to meet people.

* Talk to the person next to you in line

* Talk to someone every time you go to the gym

* Do a random act of kindness to at least one person a day

#two. Be a woman of great worth

If you want to attract extraordinary people, you must be extraordinary yourself. You must be a woman of great worth. Because just as you want a perfect man, he also hopes to find a woman of great value.

What makes a woman valuable?

We all have our unique personalities, opinions, interests...but there are traits that every woman of worth possesses. They are self-confidence, independence, integrity and femininity.

1. Confidence

Confidence is the state of being sure of the truth of something, and high-quality women are sure of their worth and what they deserve.

Confident women are comfortable articulating their needs and walking away from an unfulfilling relationship. They are not arrogant or conceited, but relaxed and comfortable in their own skin.

A confident woman also knows for sure that any man's life would be so much better if he had her with him and that committing to her will be the best decision he will make in his life.

Also, a confident woman doesn't compare herself to other women or wait for others to tell her how to behave. She knows that there will always be someone richer, thinner, smarter and better looking, but it doesn't matter. She knows she's worth more than all those things.

In general, a confident and secure man loses interest in a woman when he feels insecure. He wants a woman who already knows she's good enough for him.

Related:The 25 best daily messages for self love and confidence building

2. Independence

The independent woman has a life that she loves and is dedicated to fulfilling activities. You have a job you love, but you also fill your free time with activities that appeal to you. Her life is hers and she doesn't depend on a man to entertain her.

In other words, she's not looking for a man to fill the void, and her full life helps her choose her man wisely.

A guy who meets such an independent woman wants to be a part of her fabulous life and at the same time isn't afraid that she's too needy.

If you're an independent woman, your message is: I'm a complete person without you, but I want you to be a part of my life because you're worth it.

The key here is finding a balance between maintaining your independence and helping you bring something into your life.

3.integrity

Integrity is knowing and being completely comfortable with your own values ​​and standards. It's about not compromising what you believe in just to seek the approval of others or try to conform.

This applies to both major issues and minor issues. A woman of integrity is loyal to her friends, doesn't overly criticize others, avoids harmful gossip, and considers where she uses her phone.

A woman of integrity sends a message to a man that he can expect her to stand up for what she believes in. It also sends her the message that she will not tolerate a man without integrity. This will help him know what you expect from him and he will feel challenged not to let you down.

4. Femininity

Femininity and gender equality have become so confused that women have come to believe that it is not possible to be strong and independent without ceasing to be feminine.

But the truth is that every man who deserves your attention is looking for strength and femininity. In fact, his supernatural ability to be female may be his greatest strength.

Today, women make up a larger percentage of the workforce than ever before. Women are becoming financially independent and no longer need men to support and protect them.

However, regardless of who provides them, men are hardwired to respond to femininity in women. They need women to help them feel masculine. They must feel that he is offering something a woman could not live without. It doesn't have to be in the literal sense, but it does need to satisfy your instinct to provide and protect.

Nothing makes men feel more worthless than hearing a woman say, "Men!

The high-quality woman is confident and independent, but is also willing to admit that there are certain things only her man can provide.

When he returns home, she hugs him tightly and tells him how much she misses him. When he offers her his jacket, she takes it. When he offers her help, she agrees, even though she might be spared. She allows him to come to her rescue. He talks to the provider in it and he knows it's important.

Related:Balance between masculine and feminine energy (+ dominant energy test)

#3. Have a social life that serves your love life

You already know that you are a woman of great value and that you need to meet more men to filter and choose the right man. Now is the time to get to know her and have a social life that serves your love life.

1. Take your time

We all have limited time, but we often use it to excuse ourselves and distract ourselves from addressing issues in our lives that may be causing us pain, such as: B. being in a relationship.

None of us really work twenty-four hours a day, and if your social life, including your love life, doesn't exist, the lack of connection and love will poison the success you have in other areas of your life.

And the truth is, if we're in a fulfilling relationship with an amazing person, we'll spend so much time with them because we know that person makes us happy.

We don't make it a priority to meet new people, but we do prioritize relationships when we're in them.

So doesn't it make sense to spend more time doing things that make you want to find the man of your dreams?

2. Where can I meet men?

Now that you've committed to doing your time, where do you meet new people?

The secret is to have a social life. It's not about having friends. You must have great friends.

It's about having a social life that serves your love life. Everyone you meet has the potential to introduce you to "the one".

There is no such thing as a perfect place to meet men. They are everywhere. Not just at that party or that club you go to with your friends once a week.

Your right man does all the things you do. It goes where you go. You shop at the supermarket, on the train, drink your coffee at the coffee shop, stand in line at the cinema, at the gym, etc.

And while there is no perfect location, some locations are better than others. You probably won't find the right man if he's having his hair done, nails done, or if he's in the dance class he's taking.

You can spend more time meeting new men without adding more time to your schedule, turning a previously lonely activity into one that makes meeting new men easier. So if you work out at the gym, try enrolling in a very male-centric class like kickboxing or martial arts, or pick places where the guys hang out when you go out with your friends.

3. Quick Ways to Build a Social Network

To expand your social circle and meet more people, try the following:

Say yes

People are always inviting us to parties, barbecues, dinners, and all kinds of events, but we often find ourselves saying no because we're too busy, don't have the energy, or are afraid to go alone, etc.

Start saying yes. It will open up your world and give you the opportunity to practice your soft skills.

Be good at working in a room

Building your social circle isn't just about getting out more, it's also about making your quality social time. If you want to make yourself presentable and go to the concert, don't waste your evening leaning against the wall and looking at your phone.

The next time you walk into a room, don't try to quickly blend in with your surroundings. Take your time and master the place completely. Make eye contact with the people in the room. Smile at her and let everyone in the room notice you.

Start with small interactions with many people. Keep it simple, like asking, "How are you tonight?" or "How did you meet Nicole?" or "What's the best cocktail on the menu here?"

Soon the party will seem less intimidating. You can relax and feel at home.

treat everyone equally

Being social is a learned behavior and the more you use it, the more skills you'll learn.

Some people treat socializing like it's a precious resource that will run out if not saved for the right person. They believe that when they meet this amazing guy they will show all their charm.

Building a social network is not just about finding "the right guy". It is something that must always come from a real place. When you socialize with everyone, it's easier to find "the one". And once you know it, being socially "fit" helps.

#4. I have a picker's mindset

One of the misconceptions about men and what they think is, "If he really liked me, he'd ask me out."

The truth is that if the guy likes you it has nothing to do with striking up a conversation. The more he is attracted to you, the less likely he is to approach you. It's easier for him to talk to a woman he doesn't like than a girl he likes.

What makes men afraid to approach a woman?

Guys usually worry about two things when trying to get close to a girl they really like. He's worried about looking bad in front of his friends or he's scared of what you and your friends are going to say.

In fact, the prospect of being rejected can be more frightening than a girl can imagine. This will deal a heavy blow to her ego. But if you see him talking to another woman, he probably doesn't like it and feels like he has absolutely nothing to lose.

Men and women are not much different. You'll probably be just as nervous around a guy you're attracted to, but it's much easier to talk and even flirt with a guy you're not interested in.

the enigma

At the same time, men want to feel like they've done something special to get your attention. The more you follow a guy, the less he cares.

No matter how far we've come as a society, the idea that a man's role is to be the pursuer and a woman's role is to accept or reject him still prevails.

So if guys don't make the first move and high quality women don't pursue them, how is it possible for anyone to meet anyone?

No woman wants to look desperate or feel like she has to do all the work. But there are two ways to make the first move without looking like you're chasing him.

1.Take the fear out of taking the first step

change your intention

Our intentions are responsible for making us nervous. We approach talking to someone we're attracted to as if it's our last chance to find love.

Because of this, if you want to feel more comfortable approaching attractive men, you need to change your intention. Instead of approaching a man with the intention that he is the perfect man, approach him with the idea that you will never see him again.

So if the meeting doesn't go well, move on and talk to someone new. The possibilities are limitless.

Put less emphasis on the outcome

When we place too much value on the opinion of the person we are talking about, we get nervous.

It is imperative to understand that as humans we are incredibly resistant to rejection. To reproduce, we continue until we find a partner. Otherwise, we'd be long dead if we'd given up after a cancellation.

At the same time, it's always better to deal with rejection than to suffer the pain of regret that we never ventured out and got what we wanted.

Remember it will never be for everyone. Sometimes the guy you are interested in turns his back on you. As far as you know, he may already be in a relationship or interested in someone else. What matters is that you tried.

Related:

2. The white scarf approach

What made a woman desirable in Victorian society was the degree to which she was persecuted. As such, she was generally prohibited from openly pursuing a man.

Still, women found a way to approach a man they found desirable. If she saw a man she found interesting, she would drop her handkerchief as he passed. The man took it and ran after the lady to return the item and this gave him the opportunity to strike up a conversation with her.

For men it seemed that he was the one who took the first step and approached her, but in reality it was the woman who chose and took the first step in a subtle but elegant way.

Women don't wear white scarves these days, but that doesn't mean they can't give a man other excuses to approach you.

Der Look

Men are not good at recognizing body language. Studies tell us that the average woman is much better at interpreting non-verbal cues than the average man. So what might seem like an obvious sign to you, a guy might interpret this to mean you're looking for someone.

A gaze is more than looking in the guy's general direction or just looking at him for a split second. To get a guy's attention, you have to look twice.

A split-second glance, eye contact brief enough for him to notice you, then back to his friends or your phone or whatever you're doing.

The second look should offer some character like a slight smile or a sassy look over your shoulder. According to a study conducted at the University of Wisconsin, it was shown that a smile makes a man 70% more likely to approach a woman than just making eye contact.

We don't smile as much as we think. We go through our days without showing the slightest smile, even to our loved ones.

You have to prepare yourself to meet a man. Practice eye contact while smiling when you're out and about. It's a skill you can master without worrying about rejection. You won't see people anymore anyway.

Getting closer

When his fear and doubts take over from the looks you've given him, you need to move and get closer.

By eliminating the need for him to cross the room towards you, you make it easier for him to casually turn around and strike up a conversation. You'll be sure your humiliation won't become public if it goes wrong.

If you are in a grocery store, walk up and look in the same department. Use any excuse you can find to get close enough to him.

start talking

That doesn't mean you'll end up doing all the work, not if you do it right. Your goal here is to give him a chance to complete the task of trying to be worthy of the chance you've given him.

Also, knowing that you are taking some control will help you feel more secure.

Be Easy (First Ten Seconds)

A woman should never be easy. But be casual in the first ten seconds of a conversation.

A man finds it difficult to approach a woman he is interested in. By remaining casual for the first ten seconds of the conversation, he will find it much easier to approach you.

Smile and be as approachable as possible, just long enough for you to decide if he's good enough for you to continue the conversation.

The power of small favors

The simple phrase "I really need your help with something..." is the easiest way to draw a guy into conversation. It particularly appeals to the part of your ego that wants to feel like a man, no matter how ridiculously easy it may seem.

For example, you can ask him to hold your drink while you take your phone out of your pocket. It's simple, but it gives the guy an excuse to strike up a conversation with you if he's interested. If not, he simply says, "You're welcome" and moves on. Anyway, you don't lose anything.

#5. From a great conversation to a first date

This is how a great conversation turns into a date.

1. Connection is key

The sexual tension will make him want you physically, but the connection is what draws him emotionally. And connection starts with a good conversation.

In the first conversation, it doesn't matter what the opening line is as long as you make things work. But to connect, you need to go one level deeper.

It boils down to two things: creating intrigue and interest, and creating an emotional connection.

Look for values, not facts

If you really want to know what kind of person a person is, whether they're ambitious, kind, or curious, you need to look for more than just facts.

For example, if he mentions that he hates his job, you'll have an opportunity to dig deeper. You might then ask, "If money were no object, what would you be doing tomorrow?" Or: “Would you rather make $100,000 a year doing a job you hate or $40,000 a year doing a job you love?”

They give him the opportunity to talk about his passions and the meaning of life. Here you can find more information about your values ​​and whether or not you share any of them.

Emotion-based conversations create more connections than logical conversations. Not only does this help you learn more about who the man is, but it also allows him to experience a rush of positive feelings that he will later associate with having a conversation with you.

Related:How to overcome communication barriers in relationships? The 4 most important steps to communicate effectively with everyone

2. Get the date

You can go on a traditional date for dinner and a movie. But if you're uncomfortable sitting across from each other for the first time, eating without spilling or letting the conversation falter, consider a more flexible date.

Think of it as a meeting. It doesn't have to last all night. A meeting can only last thirty minutes.

It could be Sunday brunch, ice cream after work, breakfast before work, going to an event, etc.

Thinking of a date as a meeting takes the pressure off planning and preparation and helps you see each other better.

common questions

How do you know you've chosen the right partner?

Statistically, couples do better when they are in the following areas:

• educational levels
• cultural background
• religious background
• future goals
• values ​​and ethics

When it comes to personality differences, a successful couple learns to appreciate each other's differences.

The opposites attract themselves?

Yes, but often personality differences that were attractive at the beginning of a relationship become unattractive over time.

For example, "calm under pressure" might become "cool"; "enthusiastic and cheerful" can become "immature"; “ambitious” can become “workaholic”; "cute sentimentality" can turn into "over-the-top emotionality"; etc.

However, it's often the same unattractive qualities that drew us to that person.

Why should it be? Typically, these qualities are ones we possess but don't recognize.

For example, a very unemotional person may be attracted to a very emotional person, and vice versa. The emotionless person needs emotions in his life, but doesn't like to express them. So find someone to express it to you.

FREE Relationship Print Sheets (PDF)

references

• Portions of this article are adapted from the book Get the Guy, © 2013 by Matthew Hussey. All rights reserved.
• Parts of this article were Attracting a Great Man: Four Essential Tools to Help You Move From Losers to the Arms of a Great Man!, © 2020 by Barbara J. Barton. All rights reserved.