Do you think you might have a toxic family member? then you know for sure (2023)

Families go crazycomplicated.And while disagreements are perfectly normal, it's important to know the difference between a petty family feud and a completely toxic family member.

But how do you know who you're dealing with? Well, first you need to know that there are no criteria for a "toxic person", but there are certain things to look for in a "toxic person".Relationship." (FYI, if you think you have a toxic partner, this one is for you:24 Signs You're In A Toxic Relationship And Need To Let It Go)

"It's difficult to determine whether a person is toxic or not," says Alexandria Deas, a licensed therapist and owner of the clinic.Wisdom meets beauty. “The concept is easier to understand when you think about toxic interactions.” And surprise surprise, toxic interactions = a toxic relationship.

Now that you've reframed your thinking, you're probably wondering what a toxic interaction really feels like. Read on for 30 signs you're dealing with a toxic family relationship, according to experts.

You don't like being around her

If you experience any of the following feelings when spending time with this person, you may have a toxic family member on your hands. "Check yourself in before, during, and after the interaction," says Deas.

• You are afraid to be around her, no matter the occasion.
• Their interactions make you feel invisible or weak.
• The way they treat you and others is disturbing.
• They accuse you during negotiations.
• You feel uncomfortable just being in the same room with them.
• You care about your own safety and the safety of others around you.

you have consistent bangs

Some conflict is normal in family life, says Tracy Ross,a family-oriented consultantbased in New York. This means that when you're in a toxic relationship with a family member, even the smallest disagreements can escalate into a huge argument. "It sounds like you have to walk on eggshells to avoid a fight," he explains. "But no matter how hard you try, it's not always possible to predict what might trigger them." Toxic family members may also be involved in:

• You take everything you say personally.
• Your struggles are the result of personal issues, not misunderstandings.
• You feel like walking through shells when you get close to them.
• You abandon your arguments, feeling drained and manipulated
• you realize thatgas light sign
• They personally attack your character during the discussion.

You don't respect their beliefs.

Many people have different beliefs than their relatives: the question is whether this is the caseRelationshippoisonous? “Our families are a part of us, a reflection of us, it is painful when they adopt beliefs that we find offensive or dangerous,” explains Deas. The difference, however, is that they don't actively accept your perspectives and life choices, perhaps even scolding or making hurtful comments when you're together. Can it be like this:

• You do not accept your partner who is of another race or religion
• They don't accept their sexuality or gender identity.
• Family member shows active contempt for you
• They express their negative opinion of you publicly or on social media.
• If you ask them to respect your beliefs, they refuse.
• You feel a sense of aggression that goes beyond discomfort.

They make *themselves* a priority

There comes a time when a family can start to organize their entire lives around a toxic member, says Ross. "The standards for this person are different, and people are trying to keep the peace," says Ross. “The rest of the family accommodates the toxic family member while convincing others to sacrifice their own needs, wants, comfort and values, saying it is the right thing to do.” This, in turn, can leave you feeling forgetful of yourself, exhausted, or even feeling worthless. Here's what it can be like when a toxic family member takes up too much brain space:

• Toxic family member repeatedly sabotages plans
• You are never responsible for your actions.
• They rarely say "thank you", although you always make sacrifices for them.
• You find yourself doing things just to get his approval or attention.
• He is usually disappointed with his family's reaction to his behavior.
• Your inability to consider others always comes at the expense of your needs.

they are abusive

"Adulting, gaslighting, border violations and threats of harm are examples of abuse," says Deas. Does this sound like something you're experiencing?

• Everyone breathes easier when that familiar is gone.
• They bully or chase you
• They have little to no respect for boundaries or personal space.
• Your familiar is extremely controlling and overly critical.
• He received verbal and physical threats from them.
• You have been physically attacked or injured in some way.

What to do with a toxic family member?

So you've identified the type of toxic relationship you have with your family member. And because you don't want to live with the mental and emotional burden, it's time to start thinking about possible next steps. Your approach will likely fall into three categories depending on the severity of your toxic personal life:

Set boundaries and limit your interactions

First, unless your security is threatened, Deas says, be careful to exclude people completely. "Stoppage is the toughest consequence you can impose for a boundary violation," she says. "If the relationship is important to you, it might be worth exploring less drastic options." Below are some tactics to consider.

• Refusing to discuss certain matters with this family member. If necessary, leave the room alone.
• Restrict conversations to specific settings or time periods.When does it usually heat up? Could it be limited to ten minutes of small talk?
• Insist that all interactions with this family member be on your own terms. Maybe you only interact on vacation. You may prefer to have these interactions take place on your own turf or their turf, so you can leave whenever you like. Discover what works best for you.

Resolve with third parties

Sometimes a situation calls for more than just a one-on-one conversation with your toxic family member. If you think there's hope for a better relationship, consider getting help from professionals.

• Invite your loved ones to regular family counseling sessions
• Ask them to come with you to a workshop to work on their biases.
• it motivated you Seeing a Therapist Alone When You Feel You Need One

cut off communication completely

A relative should *never* violate your sense of security or constantly ignore your boundaries, says Deas. Abuse is a serious issue and if you're dealing with it, don't be shy about walking away. Remember, it's not your responsibility to "save" these types of people or keep them in your life, and you didn't do anything to "deserve" the way they treated you. Still, removing a bully from your life can be incredibly difficult (and scary). Here are some tips that can help you on that journey.

• If possible, cut off all communication: block him on social media, block his number, don't invite him to family gatherings, etc.
• Contact a trusted friend or family member and ask for help in dealing with the situation.
• contactNational Domestic Violence Hotlinetalk to a professional
• See a therapist who can help you end the relationship safely

"Ultimately, you choose the people in your life," says Deas. "You don't need a reason or permission to isolate someone if you feel it's in your best interest to do so."